billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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