3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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