I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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