lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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