Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
