I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize