last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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