I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
