Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
