Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
