I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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