How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
