her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
