I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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