conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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