Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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