I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize