he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
