tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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