Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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