Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
