You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
