Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
