Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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