Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
