If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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