ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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