We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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