i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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