this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
