I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
