yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
