Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
