If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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