she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize