Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
