Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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