So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
