you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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