You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
