Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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