Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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