Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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