put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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