Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I want her autograph on my taint
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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