Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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