i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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