Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
