You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
