she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize