Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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