Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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