There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
