So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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