I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
These tits shall not be calmed
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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