? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
