He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
