I don't usually arrange sex via text message
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize