My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
