i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
