it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize