uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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