can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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