update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
