I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
