i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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