If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
