First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
