grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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