and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize