Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
