I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
