so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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