i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
