dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Panties = found
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize