when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize