The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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