we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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