you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
