and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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