So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize