took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
