At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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