Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
