She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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