so that wasnt chicken after all
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
