I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
