I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
