you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize