Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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