we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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