I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
