How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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