i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
