I didn't shave. On purpose
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
