i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
