Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
