So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
