she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
