there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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