So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
