A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
