Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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