can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
