There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
