WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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