who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
