Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
