this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
