i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
