let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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